Saturday, 26 October 2013

Gumdrop's Lesson

Once upon a time, there was a little girl called Percy. She had a cat called Gumdrop. It had black and white fur. They lived in a cottage in the woods and lived happily together.
One day, Gumdrop got a fright from a delivery truck and ran away. Some children saw Gumdrop and chased after her. A dog saw Gumdrop so she had nowhere to run except up a hollow twisty tree so she ran up it.  
At the cottage, Percy was looking for Gumdrop. She didn’t know what was going to happen. Was she hungry, cold or warm? The only thing Percy could think of was, “How did GumDrop get out? GumDrop must have got a fright from the delivery truck!!!”
Percy screamed, "Ahhhhh!!!!!!" as loud as an elephant’s sneeze! "Where is GumDrop?"
Back where Gumdrop was, a little girl walked by with her mum exactly where she was. “Look at that cat in the tree. Can we have her please, please, pretty please?” said the little girl.
The little girl’s mum said, “Ok but if we see one sign, we are handing it in, ok?”
Back in the village where Percy lived, she was panicking. Percy looked out the window. She saw GumDrop walking. Percy ran outside to get Gumdrop. The little girl who found Gumdrop said, “Go away. I will call the police to come and get you!!!’’
Percy knew that she wouldn’t give up too early. Percy had taken the cat and ran as fast as she could, even faster than a cheetah. She got inside and locked everything. Percy and Gumdrop lived happily ever after.

3 comments:

  1. Hi Madeline

    I like the sentence 'hollow twisty tree." There is a clear image there of the tree using adjectives. I also like the simile, "as loud as an elephant's sneeze." That is such an interesting simile as I have never heard an elephant sneeze and it has also left me thinking, "how loud is an elephants' sneeze?"

    Your ending could have finished with "She got inside and locked everything." How else could you have ended the story without writing, "They lived happily ever after?"

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    1. Hi Mrs Atkins thank you for the feedback about my work I do understand what you mean about the ending may yeah just stop at ''She got inside and locked everything. Thank you for helping me find a ending for my story

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  2. Great reflecting Madeline, I look forward to reading your next piece of writing

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